is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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