Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
