i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
