Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
