His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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