He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
