It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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