i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
