...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
