My nipple is on Facebook.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
