I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
