i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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