wake up i wanna do it froggy style
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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