So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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