Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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