I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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