I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
