i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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