I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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