you didnt know i had herpes?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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