i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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