where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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