why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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