Jerry, you need to find god
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
