Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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