she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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