you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
