we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
