How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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