If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
