Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
