Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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