the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
