There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
