Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
