I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
