ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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