Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
