Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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