He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
