from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
