Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize
