Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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