yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize