at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
