better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
