I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
