...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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