How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
