Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
