Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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