Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
