so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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