i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
