That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
