i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
