Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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