If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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