You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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