if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
