No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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