Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
