There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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