I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
