im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
