I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.