i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order