he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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