he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.