Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We're too hungover to prance.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.