My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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