Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
