DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
