oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
