I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
