how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
