You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Vodka?
Forever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
