The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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