all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's always time for handjobs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
