I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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